Kokonoe Watches TV
by DFKJR
Summary: Kokonoe goes home from becoming sick. Not pleased by this, she tries to enjoy some television to occupied her time. But how can she when these annoying people kept calling her phone?


**(A/N): Hey to all other readers. This is my second fanfic entry in the Blazblue section. Staring one of my favorite characters, I got the inspiration from a video produce by the animators from College Humor, "Dinosaurs Office", that was shown on the Nintendo 3DS. If you haven't heard of College Humor, I suggest looking them up and their funny videos.**

**Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this reading.**

In a barely lite room, a figure was slouching on the sofa with a blank screen television in front her. It was Kokonoe, a pink hair half-breed catgirl who is the head scientist of Sector Seven, known genius, and daughter of the most powerful creature alive. As usual, the professional scientist was in a foul mood, nothing different from that. Well…actually, expect she has become ill. Sick as a dog…or cat, in a way. It wasn't very clear how she gotten a fever, probably from the never ending tests, projects, and other work she's been doing for, well, whenever she first started working. But here she is now, _**force**_ to go home and rest by Tager and a few of her subordinates who supported his decision. The nerve they have to tell someone like Kokonoe, world genius, to go home. She would experiment on them all if she wasn't too disoriented…and tired…and sick. In any case, dawn in a regular nightgown, with a bowl of her favorite 'non-sugar free' lollipops; Kokonoe was never so bored in her entire life.

"Being sick…SUCKS…so damn much.", Kokonoe grumpily stated. She knew what the symptoms are for getting a fever, but not once she thought she'll catch one herself. "...I don't have time for this crap; I have work that needed to be done…" She complained, and yet didn't bother to remove herself from the lame interior of her house and head back to the exciting base of operation. This is because she tried that a few times before, quickly felt weak with lack of energy, and ended up crawling away from her front door. "Oh screw it! Since Tager is taking charge until I'm back on top of my game, there's nothing to worry about. Might as well do something of interest as long I am here."

Accepting her dilemma, Kokonoe place one of her candy lolli's in her mouth, and pick up the remote control. Truth be told, she hardly ever watch television. As a matter of fact, Kokonoe, _rarely_, ever goes home, because her work station is her home. Bringing the TV to life, the half-breed was greeted with what was displayed on the 'fun box'; a little green, talking gecko.

"_Switching over to Geico can offer great benefits and better deals on your car insurance."_, announced the small lizard. The next scene showed the company logo and slogan. _"Geico; real service, real savings."_

"Obviously a scam.", Kokonoe bluntly stated before changing the channel. The next show was a cartoon featuring a fat mentally challenged man, a police in a wheelchair, a pervert, and some black guy.

"Hehehehehehehehe."

"Ha, Ha!"

"Gigitty, gigitty."

"Heh, ha, ha!"

"….retarded.", she drearily replied, changing to another program. A game show began to start, complete with the host, a live audience, and the contestant.

"_Welcome back everybody!"_, greeted the host of the show. _"Let's get started with our competition, 'Are You Smarter than a Kaka?'"_

The half-breed catgirl raised an eyebrow at that announcement. "….I'm not sure whether to be amused…or offended…." One click on the remote took her somewhere different.

"_Last time, on 'Dragon Ball Z'!"_, said the narrator.

A man with spiky black hair, wearing orange clothing, and in a fighting stance started screaming really loud with debris floating in the air and the ground shaking.

"_Will Goku ever reach 'Super Saiyan'? Next time, on 'Dragon Ball Z'!"_

"Repetitive and idiotic.", Kokonoe sighed annoyingly to herself. "I don't see the point in these TV broadcasting. There's nothing but stupidity."

Changing the channel once more, Kokonoe was presented with one of those typical, overrated, drama soap operas shows. A beautiful, yet emotional, woman was speaking with some handsome guy whose character doesn't matter.

"_I just can't, Carlos"_, announced the woman. "I'm…I'm in love with your brother!"

"_Alice...I am my brother!"_, admitted the man, revealing his true identity.

The woman, Alice, gasp in shock. What did they do next? They make out.

The ill-tempered scientist rolled her golden-amber eyes at this, _shocking_, turn of events. "Wow, this is….there is no mere word that can describe how shitty this show is." Sucking on another one of her candies, she remembered a few days ago her fellow co-workers talked among themselves about a particular soap on television. They claimed it to be the best of the series and the most unanticipated. "There is no chance in hell that this show is that good. The day it starts to catch my interest, is the day I get thrown in jail."

_**8 Hours Later…**_

Kokonoe, with a tub of ice cream on her lap, stares apprehensively at the television playing the *ahem*, 'shitty', soap opera. You know, for someone who became ill, eating scoops of cold substance made of dairy products isn't initially healthy.

"_No…that's impossible!"_, the woman, Alice on the TV, proclaim in complete shock. _"You can't be alive! I saw you get thrown off the building and hit the ground!"_

"_That's because I'm…I'm…"_ Carlos raised the bottom of his shirt and opened the hatch on his chest to reveal circuit lights and wires. _"A ROBOT!"_

Shocked by this display, the woman did the only thing she knew best.

….they make out.

"Ah ha! I knew it!", the pink hair beastkin yep merrily. "There couldn't be any other way for him to survive….unless the ground is made of pudding." Before she can observe more into the events, her house phone, conveniently place next to her, starting ringing. Grudgingly, Kokonoe answered the call. "What?"

"K-Kokonoe, I'm so glad you've answered!", responded Tager, sounding a little unease. There were also the background noises of alarms and some people panicking being heard from his end of the line. However, she didn't bother to care. "We have a huge crisis in Sector Seven!"

Kokonoe groaned irritably. Can't her own subordinates do anything without her? "What's the problem?", she replied monotonously, slumping further in her easy-chair while eyeing the TV.

"It's your storage of nuclear warheads! They have greatly become unstable and are on the verge of erupting! I tried everything I could to keep them under control, but nothing has-"

At some point, the professional scientist drifted her attention from the phone to listen to the events showing on the television before her.

"-radius of the explosion nearly half the world! …..Hello? Kokonoe, are you still there?!"

She snapped out of her some-what trance and made a hasty replied. "Uh! Yeah, that's great Tager! Look, I have to go, this is the season finale and Robotic Carlos's twice removed cousin in-law started up something fierce!"

"W-What?! I don't understa-"

The connection between him was cut off as Kokonoe hung up the phone and continued watching her soaps.

"_That is a lie!"_, yelled the human robot, accusingly pointed at the man. _"My twin brother is on life support in the hospital!"_

"…_no, that is not true. Because I am your twin brother….and you're first born son!"_ The man removed his fake mustache to reveal his true identity.

Kokonoe spit out the ice cream in her mouth from nearly chocking on it. "Holy shit, I just can't believe it!"

The phone rang again. The catgirl scientist huff a breath of aggravation before answering. "Yeah, what?"

"Hello, Kokonoe, it's me Litchi.", addressed the good doctor, Litchi Faye-Ling. "I heard the news about your sudden illness. Now naturally, I'll be over there to diagnose your fever, but unfortunately, I'm incredibly booked with patients here. So I'll just give you some quick tips to help you get better, okay? First, make sure your feet are covered at all times; you don't want to walk around bare footed. Eat _plenty_ of fiber, and Chicken Noodle soup is the best solution for your fever. Stay under a warm blanket. Now if you have stomach flu-"

Annoyed, Kokonoe slowly hung up on the still talking Litchi. Before she can return to the 'overly rated' show, her phone rang yet again. At first she didn't want to answer. But the constant ringing was thrown off her concentration on her soaps. So…

"What do you want?!", she rudely answered.

"Hey there, Koko." The pink hair beastkin knew only one person who always refers her name only partway.

"…Makoto…"

"Heard your sick. Looks like someone forgot to get their flu shot~, hmm?", the squirrel girl teased.

Hoping to end the conversation, Kokonoe faked some coughing because her real ones weren't kicking in at the moment. "Yeah, experiencing symptoms of sickness….and stuff. Gotta'go!"

"Wait, like, super quick! What is….the name….of the guy you've modified a left arm for?"

"Ragna the Bloodegde."

"Yeah, Ragna! ….question about Ragna….", Makoto slowly stated. "Ummm…oh my god. I _just_ thought of the question earlier….and now, I can't remember what it was. Isn't that funny, ha, ha, ha."

Kokonoe, getting really tight, was about to tell off her so-called _'spy'_ of Sector Seven, that is until she spoke again.

"Oh yeah! Do you know Ragna's Facebook account?"

"ASK HIM YOURSELF!", she yelled and slammed the phone on the receiver. Right before she can continue enjoying her show, the phone ranged. Mumbling a few 'not so nice' words, she irritably answered. "What damn'it?!"

"Looks like someone's fever is getting the best of them, huh? Heh, heh." The voice was Jubei, one of the Six Heroes and Kokonoe's father.

"What the hell! How everybody knows about my condition? Are you all spying on me or something?"

"Ahh, you should know when information gets leaked out in Kagutsuchi, it spreads like wildfires.", the bakeneko creature jovially proclaim. "But anyways, I reckon this would be a perfect time to give ya a quick call."

"I'm not interested in what you have to offer.", Kokonoe dully stated, eyeing the TV showing the two male characters getting into a fist fight with each other. She's missing out on some good stuff.

"I know, but….ya see, I…wanted to make it up! For everything. All I wanted was for my only grown daughter to forgive her old man!"

"Look, I'm kinda busy-"

"And I'll tell you this right now, that I will do anything, _ANYTHING_, to get our relationship back on track! I don't care what it takes for me to-"

"Yeah, okay, fine, you're forgiven!", Kokonoe responded impatiently.

"Wh- you…you do? Really?", stuttered Jubei in surprise. "Well, what do you recommend for me to-"

"Just stop calling my phone!", she yelled and quickly hung up, unaware of what she just done. "Finally! Now I can watch the rest of the acti-"

*insert phone ringing here*

"Grrraaah!" Baring her teeth in anger, the sick catgirl answer the phone again. You'll think she'll simply break or disconnect the phone line….but no. She didn't.

Before she can unleash her verbal wrath on the caller, he spoke first. It was Tager again, be the way. "Please, Kokonoe, nearly all of mankind is in danger! Nothing is working, not even your footnotes and diagrams of the bio-weapons are helping! I know your ill, but who knows when-"

"_T MINUS, 2 MINUTES TILL SELF-DESTRUCT!"_, announced the headquarters intercom.

"We're running out of time! Kokonoe, I really need your help! You're the only one who can save Sector Seven and the earth's population!...Hello?! Kokonoe?!"

Watching the television intensely, the professional scientist witnesses the woman, Alice, held the men at gunpoint and struggled on who to shoot. "No, not the robot, don't shoot him!", she blurted out, still holding the phone.

"What robot?! I don't understand!"

"Sorry, Tager, this is too important to miss!"

"But-"

One hang up was all it took to return Kokonoe's center of peace.

….pfft! Yeah right! Ring Ring Ring, went the phone. Whatever sanity she has left, the pink haired beastkin bitterly answered. "What?! What do you possibly want?! Can't you see I'm trying to watch a show here?!", she screamed at the phone.

"Why, such gratuitous manner.", calmly and elegantly stated the voice. "To answer your first inquiry, I require your attention, and, yes, unfortunately I can."

"Rachel? What in the world do you want?"

"As I said, I am of need of your corporation. Kokonoe, are you unaware of the uprising danger you have utterly place on the world because of your arrogant ambition to….watch television?"

"Look, I'm sick okay? What I do is none of your freakin' business!", she retorted.

Rachel's delicate sigh can be heard. "Such a petulant child for someone of importance. It shames me to indulge my time in your unjust exploit. Simply heel my order and attend to your treacherous warfare toys that are causing such an outbreak."

"Now you listen here, _bunny girl_", Kokonoe angrily replied, looking up and pointing at the ceiling, because when a being that has the power to observe you, the ceiling is the most likely place that you'll be in their view. "I had it up to hear with you and just about everybody's shit! How about this for an order? Why don't you take that stick out of your ass, do something worthwhile for once, and let me watch my damn soaps?!"

All was silent. Then, Kokonoe notice that her vase, outlined with violet color energy, floated in the air. With her cat-like reflects (thanks to her father) she manage to duck out of the way of the incoming glass pot. Eyes wide, she quickly went back to the phone.

"Since when can you do something like that?", she frantically questioned.

"Don't ever challenge my authority.", Rachel coolly, but with a hint of warning, stated. "Now, do as you're as told."

Rachel ended the conversation by hanging up. Fearing that she'll be tormented by the vampire's telekinetic powers (?), Kokonoe speed dials her office in Sector Seven. As expected, Tager answered the call. The alarms are blaring, scientist are screaming, and she could of sworn the intercom said something about '30 seconds'. But none of that was on her intention to care.

"Oh thank god! Kokonoe, I'm so glad that you-"

"Shut the hell up, Tager!", she crankily interrupted. "Open up those metal ears of yours and listen well! Go over to my desk with multiple computer monitors!"

"O-okay. Roger that!", he instructively obey.

"Now, do you see the glass container with a red button that reads; 'Push in Case of Missile Malfunction'?"

"Y-yes…yes, I see it!"

"Push. The. Button."

After that command, the high volume alarms shut off and in-place of the worker's bawls of horror are cheers of salvation.

"Kokonoe", Tager spoke, his voice sounding grateful, "do you realize that have save millions upon millions of innocent lives arou-"

"Yeah, whatever Tager, just stop calling my phone!", the pink hair scientist demanded before slamming her communication device down for the final time. Letting out a heavy groan and feeling somewhat content, Kokonoe can finally enjoy her soaps without any interruption. She looked over at the TV and the credits are rolling. Hm. Well that sucks. "Son of a bitch! I can't believe this! Auugh!" She complained out of her frustration. Once the professional scientist settles down a bit, she puts another one of her lolli-suckers in her mouth.

"_Coming up next; 'Ikaruga Got Talent!'"_, announced the voice on the TV.

"…god damnit, now I have to hack the internet video stream so I can watch the ending."

To keep a long story short; she did, and the virol police found out and arrested her ass.

The End.

**(A/N): Will Kokonoe get out of prison? Next time, on 'Blazblue….Z'!**

**I did some research on the characters that Kokonoe have any interaction with in order to make this fanfic more charming. The feud between Rachel and her, somewhat minor in the game, however, was hardly mention in Blazblue Wiki.**

**Well, as always, tell me what you think. And thanks for reading.**


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